Catholic Parishioners Believe That Third Edition Of Roman Missal May Be Bullshit
Culver City, CA (CHN)— It has some traditions that are over a thousand years old, but now the Catholic Church is undergoing a remodel of some of it's most basic weekly rituals. Familiar words said within Catholic mass will indeed soon change with the adaptation of the third edition of the Roman Missal, a book that dictates Sunday service's worldwide.
 |
| File Photo: LA Cardinal Roger Mahoney who has still never gone to jail as of presstime |
"I don't know a lot yet," said longtime church member Phil Gardner, "but I understand that it's going to bring some of the Latin phrasing back and change the translations to several parts of the responsorial prayers."
He continued, "This will likely result in a lot of fucked up responses and confusion, I mean was God listening last week when we all apparently said the wrong damn thing?"
He continued, "This will likely result in a lot of fucked up responses and confusion, I mean was God listening last week when we all apparently said the wrong damn thing?"
Mr. Gardner does not seem to be alone. Saint Peter elementary student Martina Rios told CHN that she basically "just sort of figured out what is happening at Church, and now I have to learn all sorts of new fucking bullshit."
Janet Garcia, a 66 year old member of the Saint Josephs Choir, had a firm message for church leadership, "I think that the Pope should have sent us a picture of his balls along with this bullshit request to change the Church Service. After six decades of consistent prayer it seems to me that it would require a huge set of fucking balls to ask me to change my weekly regiment."
An undisclosed Vatican Survey from 2006 seems to be behind the new Missal. However, the request to re-translate historic Latin text seems to have been one of the lesser requests by English speaking Catholics worldwide who have long been struggling with controversial policy such as birth control.
Thirteen year old Altar-Boy Niel Salmons says that the changes he would most support are, "the shortening of Mass to 30 minutes and to not relocate priests accused of anal rape to other congregations where they will likely continue to perform anal rape on children".
Janet Garcia, a 66 year old member of the Saint Josephs Choir, had a firm message for church leadership, "I think that the Pope should have sent us a picture of his balls along with this bullshit request to change the Church Service. After six decades of consistent prayer it seems to me that it would require a huge set of fucking balls to ask me to change my weekly regiment."
An undisclosed Vatican Survey from 2006 seems to be behind the new Missal. However, the request to re-translate historic Latin text seems to have been one of the lesser requests by English speaking Catholics worldwide who have long been struggling with controversial policy such as birth control.
Thirteen year old Altar-Boy Niel Salmons says that the changes he would most support are, "the shortening of Mass to 30 minutes and to not relocate priests accused of anal rape to other congregations where they will likely continue to perform anal rape on children".
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment